Do you still remember how you and your partner met for the first time? Do you remember your first date and how you could not wait to see each other again after that? In time, there was the marriage proposal followed by the wedding. Eventually, the day came when you became mummy and daddy.
One of the most common mistakes new parents make is to put their marriage on hold or on cruise mode as they focus on being parents. Almost overnight, your child becomes the centre of your universe. Intimacy is replaced by hurriedly uttered phrases or comments. Your conversations become superficial and transactional. “Have you bought the milk powder?” “Did you pay the bills?” “By the way, your mother called.” And criticisms outnumber compliments.
Empirical studies of thousands of married couples by Dr John Gottman found that 67% of them report a significant decline in their marital satisfaction within 3 years of the arrival of a child. And before their marriage can recover, the second child comes along and the marriage suffers…again This could be the reason why most divorces in Singapore happen between the fifth and ninth year of marriage.
In your effort to become good parents, please don’t make the mistake of neglecting your marriage. The key to good parenting is really a strong marriage. A strong marriage provides your child with a stable, nurturing environment in which to grow.
By Parcsen Loke, Family Life Coach, Centre for Fathering. If you wish to contact Parcsen, please make an appointment at: calendly.com/iamparcsen.