Remember the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? It was full of heart-pounding adrenaline-filled stunts. It also had a father-son story that revealed a vulnerable side to our hero, one rooted in rejection. Why did director Steven Spielberg include this subplot in the movie?
In an interview, director Steven Spielberg disclosed that the father-son thing was his idea and described it as a story about “a son seeking reconciliation with his father and a father seeking reconciliation with his son”.
In the movie, Indy told his father, Henry, how lonely he felt growing up and his wish that his dad was around more. “What you taught me,” Indy said, “was that I was less important to you than people who had been dead for 500 years.” It is at this moment that you realise it’s not just the Holy Grail Indy was chasing – it’s his dad’s approval.
Near the end of the movie, Henry looked on in horror as the tank that Indy was on is seen tumbling off a cliff. Convinced that his son is dead, Henry said regretfully, “I’ve lost him…and I never told him anything. I just wasn’t ready.” Just then, Indy showed up…alive. Henry gave Indy a sweet embrace and said, “Well done!” At long last, Indy received the two things he had wanted from his father his whole life: affection and validation.
How I Dealt With My Daddy Issues?
My parents filed for a divorce when I was ten years old. Suddenly, my world turned upside down. The atmosphere at home grew tense. We were not as happy as we were before and I blamed my father for it. That was the day that my relationship with my father stalled. Many years later, I was able to mend my relationship with my father in three simple steps, which I am going to share with you.
To mend your relationship with your father, you can do the 3Rs. The first is to Recognize. Recognize the man who is your father. Your father was a boy, a teen who grew into a young man. He fell in love, got married, had children, had you. How much of his story do you know? As you listen to his story, you will get to know how similar and different you are. Your empathy will increase, which will prepare you for the next step – to Reconcile
Reconciliation does not necessarily involve asking and extending forgiveness. Reconciliation has taken place when the walls around your heart have crumbled and you are open to relate again.
With the walls torn down and the air cleared, you are ready to Reconnect, to have the father-son relationship again. I have helped many through this process. Reach out to me if you would like me to help you too.
By Parcsen Loke, Family Life Coach, Centre for Fathering. If you wish to contact Parcsen, please make an appointment at: calendly.com/iamparcsen
Food for Thought: Recall a time or incident when you felt closest to your father.
Ask Your Father: This Father’s Day, get closer to your father by asking him these 12 questions: https://www.fatherly.com/life/questions-to-ask-dad-before-hes-gone