I’m sure you’ve heard of the rebellious adolescent. You either have one at home now or will soon. Do you know what causes adolescent rebellion? Raging hormones are not to blame.
The teenage years can be strange and difficult for your child. He has been wanting independence since he was two. And now that he’s a teenager, he wants even more independence. Parents frequently react negatively to this desire for greater independence and try to maintain control over their children by enforcing strict rules. This is where the problem starts.
When a teenager feels he can’t openly debate rules, says Emily Edlynn, a clinical psychologist and mother of three, he ends up asserting his independence in less healthy ways and turns into his parents’ worst nightmare.
The lack of independence and trust, as well as the stress of constant conflict with parents, can affect the teen’s mental health and lead to risky behaviours and addictions. Emily adds that “parents who express openness to debate and negotiation rather than demanding obedience have psychologically healthier children,”
Strict parents may feel like they are doing the right thing to protect their children, but a lack of communication when enforcing hard rules can undermine trust in a parent-child relationship.
Your teen does not expect the impossible from you. He simply wishes to be heard and understood, not dismissed and judged. So, dads, take the time to patiently and carefully listen to your teen. When he sees that you trust him, he will be more open to you.
By Parcsen Loke, Family Life Coach, Centre for Fathering.
Food for Thought: Teenagers want more and more independence. What do you do as a father to give your teen independence?