How Many Rules Do You Have?

Parents, I am going to give you five seconds to answer this simple questions: How many family rules do you have currently. 5, 4. 3. 2. 1. Time’s up.

If you were not able to give me a number, then you most likely have too many. 

Every parent knows the importance of having rules for their children. One parent said to me, “The children need to know where the boundaries are or they might go out of control.” It’s not wrong to have rules, but it becomes ineffective when you have too many of them. Parents have the habit of making up rules on the fly as a knee-jerk reaction to the child’s bad behavior.  

To put this in perspective, the Republic of Singapore has a Penal Code with over 500 sections divided into 24 chapters. The Penal Code lays out the general principles of criminal law, as well as the elements and penalties of general criminal offenses such as assault, mischief, theft, extortion, sex crimes and cheating. In addition to the Penal Code, Parliament has passed legislation on other serious offences such as the Arms Offences Act, Kidnapping Act, Misuse of Drugs Act and Vandalism Act. Who will enforce these laws? The Singapore Police Force, of course. The last I checked, there are at least 15,000 officers in the SPF, comprising regular officers, civilian staff and Full-time Police National Servicemen, augmented by volunteer police officers. The situation is very different in your home where there are just two ‘enforcers’ or one, if you are a single parent. 

So what do you think is the maximum number of rules you can effectively and consistently enforce? Is it 50, 20, 10? I think the number is three or, at most, four. These rules can become obsolete as your children grow. And each rule must be accompanied by a clear and reasonable consequence. Be sure to watch the next article where I will share more about rule setting.

By Parcsen Loke, Family Life Coach, Centre for Fathering. If you wish to contact Parcsen, please make an appointment at: calendly.com/iamparcsen.