This Is How Most Marriages Die
Imagine your marriage as a garden. Neglecting it often starts in small areas – such as forgetting to weed or water. But over time, those little things add up, and your beautiful garden becomes a tangled mess.
The second law of thermodynamics states that, within any system, nothing ever remains the same. Change is constant. If we leave a system, like a garden, completely alone, it changes; it deteriorates over time. Marriages, like gardens, can deteriorate and fall into disrepair when they are neglected.
Marriage neglect is like that. It’s not one big fight, it’s the tiny things you stop doing: talking less, spending less time together, caring less about each other’s feelings. These things, like weeds, grow slowly, pushing you apart until you barely recognize each other.
The signs are easy to miss at first. You don’t cuddle as much, you talk mostly about chores, you never really share your heart. You feel alone, even though you’re right next to each other.
But neglect isn’t just feeling lonely, it’s like a poison in your relationship. It makes it hard to talk about problems, it makes you feel unloved and unimportant, and it makes it tempting to look for love elsewhere.
The good news is, you can fight this! Just like you can save a neglected garden, you can save your marriage. Here’s how:
- Talk! Really talk, not just about the bills or the kids. Share your feelings, listen to each other, and try to understand.
- Spend time together. Put away the phones, plan fun dates, and just be there for each other.
- Show you care. Say “I love you,” give a hug, do something nice for each other.
- Get help. If things are really bad, don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist. They can help you figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it.
Damage to a marriage by neglect is a slow process, but so is healing the marriage. Take it one step at a time, and don’t give up. With a little effort, you can turn your marriage from a neglected garden back into a beautiful, blooming love story.
Food for Thought: Recall the first date you had with your spouse. Where did you go? What did you do? How did you feel?