How Can I Spend More Time With My Kids When I Work Long Hours?
Some days, you leave before your children wake up and return when they are already asleep. You want to be there for the stories, the questions and the bedtime hugs, but work can make that difficult.
Providing for your family takes time and energy. Wanting more time together does not mean you are doing a poor job as a father.
Start with what is possible in the week you have. A short conversation, a shared breakfast, or a regular weekend activity can give you something to look forward to together. You can also explore whether a change in your working arrangements could make more room for family life.
Why Small Moments Are Worth Making Time For
On a busy weekday, fifteen minutes may not sound like much. But it can be enough to read a story, share a snack or hear about something that matters to your child.
A research brief from the NUS Centre for Family and Population Research examined time diaries from 4,715 preschool children living with both parents. On average, children spent 35 minutes in caregiving activities with their fathers on a weekday, compared with 1 hour 41 minutes on a weekend day. Play and companionship were recorded separately, averaging 37 minutes on weekdays and 1 hour 57 minutes on weekend days.
These figures are a reflection of the families studied and they are not a target you need to meet. Your work, travel time, and family circumstances may look different.
Look for an ordinary moment you can share with your child. He may enjoy telling you about a game, helping you prepare breakfast, or simply having you sit beside them while they study.
Build Your Week Around Moments You Can Keep
You do not need to introduce every idea below. Choose one or two that fit your schedule, then see how they work for your family.
1. Find a Morning Moment
If you are both awake before you leave, make a little room for connection. Share breakfast, help your child get ready or offer a hug and ask what they are looking forward to.
If you leave before they wake, let them sleep. You could leave a short note, draw a picture or record a voice message they can hear later.
If your hours allow it, consider taking the school run on a regular day. The journey gives you time together without needing to plan another activity.
2. Stay in Touch When You Are Apart
A short call or voice message with your child can help you stay connected on days when you will be home late.
Agree on a time that works for your child and their caregiver. Keep it relaxed, and ask questions that are easy to answer:
“What made you laugh today?”
“What did you play at recess?”
“Is there anything you want to show me?”
Some children will want to chat. Others may offer a quick hello and return to playing. Be prepared for either to happen.
If a daily call is difficult, make a couple of calls a week on days you can manage.
3. Take Part in the Bedtime Routine When You Can
On evenings when you are home, take part in the bedtime routine. You can help with washing up, read a story, or sit together for a few quiet minutes.
Talk with your partner or another caregiver about which evenings you can manage, so everyone knows what to expect.
Follow your child’s usual sleep routine. If you miss bedtime, reconnect at another opportunity rather than keeping them up.
4. Set Aside Some Weekend Time
Choose a weekend slot where are you are not likely to be distubed by work.
Invite your child to choose from a few options: a walk, a library visit, making breakfast together, or playing a favourite game.
Put your phone aside where possible. The activity can be simple. What matters is you and your child have the space to enjoy it.
Make the Plan Together
A family routine works best when the adults involved help shape it.
Talk with your partner or other caregivers about what would help, what your child enjoys, and what you can realistically take responsibility for. Put agreed plans in a shared calendar to make coordination easier.
Include everyday care as well as play. Preparing breakfast, packing a school bag, or taking your child to an appointment are opportunities to be involved too.
If work changes the plan, let everyone know as early as possible. Acknowledge your child’s disappointment and suggest another time you can keep:
“I’m sorry I missed our story tonight. I was looking forward to it too. Shall we read together after breakfast tomorrow?”
Explore Whether Flexible Work Could Help
Sometimes, making more room for family life means asking for flexibility at work.
Singapore’s Tripartite Guidelines on Flexible Work Arrangement Requests, which took effect in 2024, set out a process for formal requests for flexibility and how employers should consider and respond to them. Employers must provide a written decision within two months, though approval is not guaranteed.
Think about the change that would help your family. Depending on your role, that might mean starting and finishing earlier on certain days, adjusting a shift or working from home at agreed times.
Prepare a Clear Request
Follow your organisation’s process. If it does not specify one, Ministry of Manpower advises making a written request that includes the date, the arrangement sought, its frequency and duration, your reason, and relevant start and end dates.
It can also help to explain:
- How you will meet your responsibilities and deadlines
- When colleagues and customers can reach you
- How any handovers will work
- When you could review the arrangement together
For example:
“I would like to explore starting and finishing earlier on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I can take part in my child’s evening routine. Could we discuss an arrangement that meets the team’s needs and review it after a trial period?”
If your workplace has a fathers’ group or parent network, colleagues may also have useful experience to share.
Give Yourself Room to Adjust
It is understandable to hope that work will settle down soon. While you wait, consider whether there is one small habit you could begin now.
Keep the plan manageable enough for an ordinary and tiring week. If committing a full Saturday morning is difficult, start with having breakfast together.
You may also feel guilty about the time you miss. In a Focus on the Family Singapore survey of more than 2,400 fathers, 59.1 per cent reported “dad guilt”, most commonly because work left too little time for their children. The survey took place around the end of the Circuit Breaker, so it reflects the sentiments of that particular period.
If you recognise that feeling, be gentle with yourself. Use it as an invitation to consider what you need and what could change, rather than as a judgment on your fathering.
What a Manageable Week Can Look Like
Here are some suggestions. Choose the moments that suit your household.
| When | A Moment Together | Possible Duration |
|---|---|---|
| Weekday mornings when you are both awake | A hug, breakfast, or a short chat | 5–10 minutes |
| Agreed days when you work late | A voice message or brief call | 2–5 minutes |
| Evenings when you are home | A story or bedtime check-in | 15–30 minutes |
| One weekday, if your schedule allows | The school run | Depends on your journey |
| A weekend slot | A walk, shared meal, or activity your child chooses | 30 minutes or longer |
If you work shifts or travel, move the moments to fit the new schedule. You can eat lunch together after a morning shift, have breakfast together on a weekday off, or leave messages while you are away. Let your child know when you expect to be available and keep them updated when plans change.
Take One Small Step This Week
Choose one moment you would like to make more regular. Agree with your child and the other caregivers involved, then give it a try.
There will be weeks when you manage more and weeks when you manage less. Keep finding your way back to the moments you can share.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I spend more time with my children when I work long hours?
Begin with one or two moments that fit your existing routine, such as breakfast, a short call, or bedtime on evenings when you are home.
Agree on some weekend time too, if possible. If your working hours regularly prevent time together, explore whether a flexible work arrangement could help.
How much time do fathers in Singapore spend with their children?
A July 2021 NUS research brief reported an average of 35 minutes of caregiving with fathers on weekdays and 1 hour 41 minutes on weekend days. Play and companionship were measured separately and averaged 37 minutes and 1 hour 57 minutes respectively. These are study averages, rather than recommended amounts of time.
Can my employer refuse my flexible work request in Singapore?
Yes. Employers do not have to approve every request. They should properly consider formal requests, provide a written decision within two months and give a reason if they reject one. Ministry of Manpower’s guidance says rejection should be based on reasonable business grounds, such as significant additional costs or difficulty meeting customer needs.
If your preferred arrangement cannot work, ask whether there is an alternative you could discuss.
Is it common to feel dad guilt?
You are not alone in feeling torn between work and family. The 2020 Focus on the Family survey mentioned above found that many participating fathers experienced this feeling.
Try to identify what you are missing most. Is it everyday conversation, shared activities, or being able to help with care? This can direct you to a practical place to start being involved.
Does quality time make up for limited time together?
Make the most of the time available while looking for opportunities to be involved more regularly. A special outing can be lovely, and everyday care offers other ways to connect.
You do not have to make every moment memorable. Sharing a meal, listening or helping with a task can be part of your time together too.