Build A Village For Your Family

The adage “It takes a village to raise a child” still holds true, but somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost that crucial “village” that is essential for nurturing, creativity, and safety in raising kids. As a result, many parents feel isolated and alone in their struggles, and kids miss out on the opportunity to engage and learn from a diverse group of people.

The phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” originated from an African proverb, implying that it requires the collective efforts of many people, the “village,” to provide a safe and healthy environment for children to develop, flourish, and achieve their hopes and dreams. In an African village, this village includes parents, siblings, extended family members, and neighbours.

Today, the concept of the “village” has been replaced by the nuclear family, consisting only of the father, mother, and children. In a nuclear family, parents bear the sole responsibility of raising their children and managing the household, which is ultimately unsustainable. This overwhelming burden negatively impacts both the marital relationship and the parent-child relationship.

Furthermore, the nuclear family has resulted in greater loneliness, with the elderly being most affected. By 2030, it is estimated that around 83,000 elderly individuals above 65 will be living alone, compared to 47,000 in 2016.

According to David Brooks, the nuclear family is a mistake. Before the term “nuclear family” was coined in 1947, extended families were the norm. Children grew up surrounded by their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. This arrangement provided not only additional support during unexpected challenges but also a socialising force. Multiple adults were present to teach morals, proper behaviour, and kindness to children.

I had the privilege of growing up with my uncle on my father’s side, who lived with us for several years before starting his own family. He had a significant influence on my life. He taught me to swim. It was he who introduced me to the love of reading by taking me to bookstores and libraries. On my father’s side, my aunt introduced me to religion at an early age and on my mother’s side, my uncle tutored me in geography while teaching me values and life skills.

Indeed, not only does it take a village to raise a child, it will take a village to raise a dad as well. Do you often feel stressed, overworked, judged, and inadequate? Isolation and feeling alone in your struggles are common for many dads. Burnout and exhaustion are real, but a supportive community can validate your feelings and empathise with your struggles.

Let’s start building a village for ourselves and our children if we do not have one. 

By Parcsen Loke, Family Life Coach, Centre for Fathering. 

Food for Thought: How are you helping your child foster a relationship with his/her relatives, for example, the grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts?