At a time when he was struggling financially, Adnan Karim received news that he was going to be a father. The uncertainty of fatherhood also brought about anxiety for Adnan as well, “I had no clue as what being a father is all about although I have seen my brother being a father and my friends being a father.”
During the last trimester of her pregnancy, his wife decided that she wanted to be with her family in Malaysia as this was her first child and she was feeling afraid. She eventually gave birth to their eldest daughter in her hometown without him around. After the confinement, she requested that he come to Malaysia to fetch her and their daughter back to Singapore and refused to come home unless he did so. However, Adnan was unable to leave Singapore as he had been declared bankrupt.
The tussle between Adnan and his wife went on for about four months. Adnan said, “I felt that as a wife and woman, how could she be stubborn and egoistical? I decided that as a husband and a man, I should be even more stubborn and egotistical.
Eventually, he gave his wife an ultimatum – if she insisted on being stubborn and refused to come home, he does not want his name on the birth certificate as the baby’s father. His wife relented and returned to Singapore when their daughter was five months old.
When Adnan laid my eyes on my daughter and held her in his arms for the first, a flood of regret overcame him for his stubborn behaviour, reducing him to tears (pictured above).
Adnan thought about how he acted as a husband and father and deeply regretted being stubborn and letting his ego get the better of him. “I wasn’t thinking as a father, not even once. I am a father, but I didn’t know any better!
”Remorseful and determined to become a better father to his daughter, Adnan sourced fathering materials and attended courses such as Centre for Fathering’s ICAN fathering workshop where he learned how to communicate with his children and become more involved and effective as a father.
Today, he remains committed to being the best father and husband he can be and is now a loving father to his four children who are 3, 11, 15 and 18. To give back to the community and encourage others who are in the same circumstances as his younger self, he has become a volunteer trainer for Centre for Fathering’s fathering workshops.
The most powerful encouragement he received was from his children (pictured holding a book written by Adnan). His second daughter who was then 10 years old found out he was going to conduct a workshop. She declared, “Papa, is going to teach all the fathers out there how to be a good Papa like him” and smiled at me.
His eldest daughter, who was 13 years old at that time, encouraged him further: ” Papa, teach the fathers in your workshop to be a better father than you. Then they can teach others also”.
As he left home that day, he had tears in his eyes – knowing that he is walking down the right path as a father.