Emotion Coaching: Listen and Validate Your Child’s Emotions

Most parents are at peace when their children are happy but struggle when they see their children feeling sad, angry, or scared. There is no real need for concern because it is natural for children to experience a full range of emotions. In fact, I would say its a good thing they are able to do so. The term for this is emo-diversity, or emotional diversity. Acknowledging a wide array of emotions creates a climate of psychological safety. This, in turn, fosters creativity, resilience, and adaptability.

The third thing an emotion coach does is listen with empathy and validate your child’s emotions.

Validating your child’s emotions means acknowledging and accepting their feelings as real and understandable, even if you do not necessarily agree with their cause or intensity. It involves actively listening to your child, acknowledging their emotions, and expressing understanding and empathy towards their experiences. When you validate your child’s emotions, you communicate that their feelings are important and worthy of recognition, which can help them feel understood, accepted, and supported.

To validate your child’s emotions, use phrases that demonstrate empathy and understanding, such as “I understand why you feel that way,” “It is okay to be upset about this,” or “I hear you are frustrated.” It is also important to respond to your child’s emotions in a nonjudgmental and supportive manner, allowing them to express themselves honestly.

Having validated your child’s emotion, the next thing to do, which is the fourth step to being an Emotion Coach, is to help your child find verbal labels to describe his or her emotions.

Learning how to verbalise emotions is beneficial for many reasons. It is obviously useful for socialising. But it can also help us shift into a more detached, analytical mode, and view our emotions as a normal, human reaction to a triggering situation.

So, by listening and empathising with our children, we can help them identify what their feelings are. The intention is not to tell children how they should feel. But rather to ask questions, volunteer our own experiences, and help your child analyse his or her own emotions.