Emotion Coaching: Take Note Of Your Child’s Emotions

Let’s talk about two things that will help you become an emotion coach. The first thing an emotion coach does is to notice the child’s emotions. Before a volcano erupts, there are usually indications that precedes the actual blow-out. In the same way, you can try to notice signs of emotion before your child’s feelings become intense.

Is your child looking a bit frustrated? Disappointed? Sad? Worried? Your initial reaction might be to ignore it, and push past whatever situation has given rise to these feelings. But researchers advise the opposite. This is a golden opportunity to check in with your child.

Tell your child you’ve noticed a change (“You seem a little quiet…”) and invite your child to talk about the cause. If you suspect a specific trigger, bring it up gently. For example, you may say, “maybe you’re finding it a little hard, having to take turns with your brother…”

The second thing an emotion coach does is to see your child’s expressions of emotion as opportunities for teaching and intimacy. Most parents concentrate on their children’s emotions and work hard to control them. The most common strategies involve dismissing or disapproving them. It is critical for parents to recognise that their children’s emotional outbursts are cries for help, support, and understanding. Unfortunately, children have been perceived as being mean and manipulative when they throw a tantrum. 

Working through your child’s emotions with them and demonstrating your love for them will help them grow in a variety of ways. For example, it will help them improve their self-soothing abilities. They will learn to work through problems themselves. Seeing your child’s expressions of emotion as opportunities for teaching and intimacy will allow the two of you to build mutual trust while also relieving anxiety and frustration in difficult times. When you observe your child struggling with a problem and expressing fear, sadness, or anger, see the moment as an opportunity for their emotional growth, and for the growth of your relationship.