When You Catch Your Child Lying

Every child lies from time to time. What should parents do if they catch their child lying? Use these strategies for what to do when your child lies to help children understand the importance of telling the truth.

The desire to lie does not make your child a bad person, nor does it indicate a character flaw. Some children tell lies out of insecurity, concocting fanciful stories to increase their popularity. Punishing an insecure child is likely to do more harm than good. Instead, make sure your child understands what will happen if she is caught lying. The disadvantages of telling a lie, even if it is a relatively harmless one, may be obvious to adults. But children must be reminded that lying usually causes more problems than it solves.

Instead of taking the time to respond appropriately (and truthfully) to difficult questions, impulsive children blurt out an answer—even if it is an exaggeration or blatant lie. Teach your child to silently count to three before speaking, and to use that time to formulate a truthful response.

Keep your cool if your child says something you know is false. Reacting angrily or with obvious dismay will only encourage your child to tell more lies in order to defuse the situation—and end up digging herself a deeper hole.

Allow your child the chance to reconsider her response. When you catch your child lying, do a “truth check” by giving her another chance to respond with no consequences for lying. Whether done immediately or after a few hours, this “truth check” teaches children to question an untruthful answer 

It can be tempting to pile on the “consequences” when a child lies to cover up mistakes or misbehaviour. Complimenting and thanking your child for his or her honesty, for example, will encourage that behaviour in the future.

Food for Thought: What’s your typical response when you catch your child in a lie