Listening, Affirming, and Supporting Our Teenagers

Reflecting on my own parenting journey and the experiences shared by other parents, I have noticed that many teenagers tend to keep their struggles from their parents for various reasons. Yet, viewed positively, they are learning to navigate life using the resources and experiences they have accumulated over the years.

As parents, we can find opportunities to affirm and reassure them, acknowledging their efforts and expressing pride in their resilience. Let them know that we are always there to offer help or simply lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.

Adopt a Collaborative, Solution-Focused Approach

When our children confide in us about their issues, we try to adopt a collaborative, solution-focused approach. We remind ourselves to prioritise active listening over offering immediate opinions or solutions. But I must admit that it is not easy to stay quiet when teenagers finally open up.

Once we understand their concerns, we validate their feelings and encourage them to brainstorm possible solutions. For example, a few months before our eldest son’s GCE A-level examinations, he shared that he was struggling with Economics. Instead of questioning why he had not told us earlier, we sat down to discuss potential ways to help him manage. Most importantly, we assured him that exam results do not define him and that we were proud of his efforts regardless of the outcome.

Support Through Every Stage

Supporting our children at any stage of life is crucial. Our five-year-old son recently confided that he was experiencing transitional stress, and we were grateful that he chose to share this with us. Instead of simply saying, “It is okay, you will get through it,” we collaborated with him, checking in regularly and offering affirmation and assurance for both his accomplishments and his works in progress.

Parenting Teenagers with Empathy

In summary, key aspects of parenting teenagers include being supportive, actively listening, and fostering independence and problem-solving skills. It is important to maintain open communication channels and provide ongoing emotional support as they navigate their challenges.

Parenting is dynamic. All children are almost “same same, but different”. And it is truly our privilege to be their parents.

Oh, and before I forget, make them delicious, nutritious meals. A good head, shoulders, and feet massage from you will always be welcomed!

This article is written by Burt Peh, Centre for Fathering. Feel free to contact us at engage@fathers.com.sg if you have questions about DADs for Life and MUMs for Life workshops, events, and initiatives.

Food for Thought:
When your teenager opens up about a struggle, how can you respond in a way that shows empathy and trust instead of jumping straight into problem-solving?