Mother of five Rahayu Ahmad Asi was concerned about her 15-year-old daughter who had become withdrawn following the circuit breaker.
Besides coping with the death of her beloved grandmother, the teenager was also having a hard time dealing with mean comments from friends about her size and the constant pain from hypermobility. This condition, which causes the joints to move and bend more than usual, also destroyed her dreams of becoming a dancer.
It was during this period when Rahayu, an ex-teacher who was working as a tutor, had fewer classes due to the pandemic. She decided to expand her skill set and came across coaching. The coaching training taught her skills to reach out and support people going through life’s challenges and she put them to good use supporting her daughter.
Rahayu’s coaching sessions taught her how to listen fully and listen without judgement instead of listening to answer. This helped her daughter open up to her and the mother-daughter pair, who did not talk much previously, began chatting for hours.
While it was a struggle at first to accept that her daughter would not be taking the normal academic pathway, Rahayu eventually came to accept it with the help of her coaches and believed that her daughter would become successful in her own way.
Her daughter, who was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder with comorbid low mood, took a year off school in 2021, and also requested to leave home to stay with an Aunt. It was a difficult request for Rahayu to agree to but she eventually did after a counsellor advised her to let her daughter go with boundaries in place. Three months after leaving home, her daughter moved home in a calmer and more stable state of mind and started talking about her next steps, much to Rahayu’s surprise and relief. It turned out that the time and space to be alone for that period gave her daughter time to reflect on her life and decide to want to do better for her future.
Rahayu, who has taken up a new career as a parenting coach, is now helping other parents who are undergoing challenges in their parenting journeys. Her advice is simple but profound: Your children have hearts and minds of their own. Get to know your children for who they are and not impose your desires and expectations on them. Only then can you win their trust and confidence. It is all about making connections with your children.
Recognising the need for greater support among Mums in the Malay Muslim community who may be undergoing different challenges, Rahayu joined three other volunteers to kick off the Ibu Sepanjang Hayat (ISH) initiative – to be better able to connect with fellow Malay Muslim mums over shared cultural and religious experiences.
ISH complements MUM for Life’s ongoing efforts to celebrate the inspiring role a mother plays in empowering her family in partnership with her husband, while at the same time being a positive influence in her children’s life.
Rahayu said, “We believe that a mother’s journey begins with herself as an individual armed with strong values, inner resilience and clear goals. Only when a mother capitalises on her strengths to the fullest, will she be able to inspire fellow mothers and support her family. It is a tough journey but with a community of mothers to support her, it will be achievable. ISH aims to do just that – providing a platform for mothers to come together – sharing, supporting and forming a collaborative community.”