Father of Four, Mentor to Many: Surafian’s Heart for Family 

For 48-year-old Surafian Bin Suhaimi, family has always been his anchor. Married for two decades and a father of four, two boys and two girls aged 10 to 19, he has weathered the joys and challenges of raising teenagers while still nurturing a younger child at home. At work, he is with an MNC in the semiconductor industry, but his most important role, he says, is being present for his children. “Each child has a different personality, and the way you connect with them has to be different too,” he reflects. 

In the early years, fatherhood often felt overwhelming as he juggled work and the demands of caring for young children. He sometimes questioned if he was doing enough as a parent, but he gradually learnt that it was the small routines that kept the family close: praying together, sharing meals, and weekly visits to grandparents. These simple practices gave him strength and helped his children feel secure. He also drew inspiration from elders in his community, who showed him that being a father is less about perfection and more about presence. 

Surafian’s journey as a dad took on a new meaning when he first attended the ICAN Fathering Workshop, introduced through his daughter’s school. The principles of Involvement, Consistency, Awareness and Nurturance resonated deeply with him, and soon after, he joined Bapa Sepanjang Hayat (BSH), a Malay-Muslim fathering initiative under the Centre for Fathering. Starting out as a participant, he eventually became a volunteer trainer, conducting workshops for fathers from all walks of life, including those in prison. “When I guide other dads, I am also reminding myself to practice what I share,” he says. 

Some of his most memorable lessons come from fellow fathers. One participant told him how he went on a “date” with his daughter without leaving home, simply sitting up late at night talking. “Moments like this remind me that I sometimes learn more from my students than the other way round,” says Surafian. 

Looking ahead, Surafian hopes to see more fathers in Singapore step forward, support one another, and grow together in their fathering journey. His advice to new dads is simple: “Be grateful for the journey, enjoy the moments, and never stop learning.”