Parenting As A Team
It was a Saturday afternoon and I turned on the TV to watch a particular show, but it was too early and the Olympics beach volleyball was in progress. I was not a fan of beach volleyball but decided to watch it anyway. The more I watched the match, the more intrigued I became. “Could the beach volleyball team be a picture of parenting?” I wondered. Curious, I began to acquaint myself with the game and, in the process, learned four lessons about parenting.
These are the four things a beach volleyball team taught me about parenting:
- No specialisation. Unlike in the 6-player volleyball team, where there are designated blockers, spikers, setters, and others, there are no specialisations in a beach volleyball team. Both players must be ready to do everything: to serve, block, set, and attack. Parenting roles used to be divided generally along gender lines. Fathers, traditionally, were the providers and protectors of their families. They were also the disciplinarians, or, what I call, the punisher-in-chief. What did mothers do? Well, they did everything else not done by fathers. In the last twenty years, the two parenting roles, mothering and fathering, have been converging and overlapping. Today, fathers have become more involved in their children’s lives. This has resulted in a more balanced approach to parenting, with both parents taking on an equal role.
- No fixed positions. The two players of a beach volleyball team have no fixed positions. The two players are constantly moving about, trying their best to cover every inch of their side of the court. For sure, they will have one eye on the ball and the other eye on their partner. When one player is on the ground and not able to recover in time, the other player instinctively steps up and is extra alert and ready. It is essential that both parents also adopt the same attitude and approach to parenting. Because the home is often seen as the mother’s domain, she usually ends up not only being in charge but also having the larger share of the work.
- Trained by the same coach. To play well and become a winning beach volleyball team, both players need a coach from whom they will learn skills and strategy. They will also be put through the paces with hours and hours of practice. Parenting requires skills. Parenting skills enable parents to raise their children effectively. But parenting skills alone are not enough. The key to good parenting is a strong marriage. The consensus in research is that a healthy marriage—and not just any marriage—is optimal for a child’s well-being. Children do best when they grow up with both biological parents in a low-conflict marriage. Therefore, it is wise and essential to seek guidance from a marriage expert to build up your marital relationship at the same time.
- There are no substitutions. Finally, in beach volleyball, the two players are on the court for the entire game as there are no substitutions. Similarly, once you become a mom or dad, you remain one for life. No one can replace you.
You can become a winning parenting team by attending one of the workshops that the Centre for Fathering offers. I hope that you will check them out and sign up today.
By Parcsen Loke, Family Life Coach, Centre for Fathering.
Food for Thought: There are no perfect parenting teams. What do you think can help make your parenting team better?